Considering Law School

There hLaptop in classic libraryave been a lot of people who told me to consider going to law school. I believe it may be due to my demeanor, analytical thinking and relentless need to resolve problems. Maybe that’s why. I never pictured myself as an attorney growing up, but after putting much thought into it, it doesn’t seem like a bad idea. There’s one major problem: Law School is becoming more of a financial investment rather than professional. I don’t have $150K lying around my house, so this decision shouldn’t be taken lightly.

I don’t know if deciding to apply for law school is a side effect of my quarter-life crisis (I’m 25 now) or what I honestly want to pursue, but I always wind up to the same reasoning:

A law degree only takes 3 years to obtain. Amid the financial constraints, it is a great investment considering the prestige the degree has. It’s not just the degree itself that’s valuable — it’s the fundamental skills that is required to achieve it: critical thinking, analytical, reading, writing, communication, among others. All those skills are vital, whether it’s in the legal industry or not. A law degree is versatile. Even if an employer isn’t looking specifically for someone with a law background, it still let’s the candidate to stand out. Statistics don’t tell the whole story. A law degree says everything. Regardless of the outcome of what a law degree will provide, at least it can serve as an intrinsic reward letting the recipient know they have made a significant accomplishment not everyone can achieve.

As ludicrous as this may sound, I want to go to law school, but I don’t necessarily want to practice. Like I said above, it’s the skills I’m attracted to. Although there are more feasible methods to acquire those skills, I want to undergo the discipline and the painstaking journey in the controlled environment law school provides. I believe it’s the best way to learn.

There’s unlimited things I want to do in my life. I still want to pursue a writing career, but I have to keep reminding myself that I’m still young (according to older people, obviously), and that I should not overthink the logistics of where I’ll be in the x amount of years to come. I recently got hired to work full time at a firm relevant to the legal industry, so I will utilize this experience to grow professionally and personally, as well.

 

Photo source: USLegal.com

Surgery Hell

Over these past few weeks my dream of becoming a writer/journalist has fallen into a sudden halt. Don’t worry! This is just a phase! Mentally and physically, my life has been moving in slow motion out of my control. Towards the end of September of this year, I had foot surgery — a failed foot surgery. Since then, I have been anxiously seeking out second opinions, contacting my insurance company, and considering a lawsuit. It has been about a month since the operation and I can’t recall making a significant accomplishment. There’s only so much one can do with a swollen foot, especially when it’s swollen for the wrong reasons. What used to take me less than a minute, now takes me at least five. Foot surgery is hell.

I have been feeling very turbulent – depressed to be exact. I wrote a poem (because that’s what I do when I’m emotional) describing my mixed up feelings about how I should manage my life. I just recently discovered that depression is a common side effect post-surgery, despite me having more than ten. I used to think the depression is caused by weaning off the pain killers. Either way, I concluded I’m depressed for 3 reasons: surgeon fucked up my feet, post-surgery side effect, and no more pain killers (which really made the world seem perfect amid chaos). Well, there are actually more factors involved than what’s stated. This situation causes me to be vulnerable, which adversely affects my executive functioning, which also affects my decision making. It’s a slippery slope I’m trying to get myself out of.

I don’t know what I want to do with my life anymore. I still want to move to NYC and pursue a writing career — my drive and positive attitude has just gone away. It’s my fault for not adequately planning ahead. I was supposed to take a mini vacation to New York City around this time, but instead, I’m hustling around figuring out how to pay my medical bills and finding a second job to make up for my leave of absence. Spending money while not making any is like constantly screaming “Mercy!” when no one can hear — almost reminds me of my financial issues at 16 years old. Maybe a deteriorating bank account is what’s causing the feeling. No money = depression, low drive, hopelessness, the “losing interest in things once enjoyed”?

 

A not-so-glamorous photo of the day:

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Forcing a smile. Yes, yes I got it under control!

This too shall pass. I’ll get over it.

I hope.

Turbulence

By Renee Lynn

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Teardrops dropping
My face flushed
Heart is racing
Mind is rushed

Sun was shining
Yesterday
Can’t stop smiling
Any day

Dark clouds forming
Oh, what now?
Am I dreaming?
Wake me up!

On the bed
Paralyzed
I surrender
I give up

Clouds then change
From dark to white
Sun is bright
It feels right

Can’t stop smiling
Again, but how?
It’s the weather
Behind my brow

Raindrops falling
Like my tears
Air is humid
Time to fear

Let it stop!
My relentless mind
I want to fall
But I don’t know how

Filtering Words| Message By A Freelance Writer

I’m pretty sure a majority of us bloggers filter out words before we hit that big “Submit” button. Unless we’re some impulsive, overly opinionated writer, we always make sure to omit and create substitutions for words our minds did not actually say. Filtering is a technique to sound somewhat “better” — at least it’s what I do. I take into consideration what my followers, friends and potential employers would think, as a precaution. I don’t want to lose a chance for a legitimate career because I have felt, for a brief moment, emotional on serious subject matter.

But then again…am I being my true self?

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There must be a fine line between being true to myself versus what sounds appealing in print. I’ve fought with this many times and concluded that filtering is just plain necessary. I’ve had my share of writing negative blog posts, and the trend responded reasonably – no one was “liking” the post or viewing my blog. Subsequently, people looked at me in a different (darker) light. Days after publishing the post, I start to overanalyze and feel a bit agitated about why on earth would I post such a thing? I go to settings and set it to “private”.

I’m usually very candid about my emotions and experiences, but I found a way to express my feelings in a non-explicit manner without having to sabotage the underlying meaning of the message. The ability to do this is like an art. The greatest way to avoid writing an appalling blog post is to never write while feeling unstable. Take it from me. Anyone can learn to project their reality into the reader’s minds – omitting unnecessary detail – with practice. When I come across a blog with a great amount of negativity, explicitness, and childlike demeanor, I stray away from the blog. I will admit I used to be one of them.

If I want to maintain a level of respect and from my followers, I should take into account my choice of words. I’ll just save the explicit verbiage for my in-person encounters with friends. As I have matured and grown as a writer, I’ve concluded that there are just detailed events the world does not need to know.

 

Photo source: collegefashion.net

Why I Actually Want To Be Single

Having experienced breakup after breakup in recent years, I’ve realized that it’s finally time to slow down and take a break. I’m in the midst of experiencing a “quarter-life crisis” and the last thing I need to worry about is another person’s life while trying to focus on my own goals. Relationships are time-consuming. It requires a great amount of determination and commitment – more than my 20-something self can handle. All a relationship would do is slow me down, as I start to feel obligated to make compromises. It’s just not the right time for me.

I know many young couples who are in committed relationships. I hear them talk about planning a wedding, having kids, and a healthy future. Sure, what they have at that moment is beautiful — a flower is beautiful too. But a flower can only live for so long before its blooming season ends and it wilts away.

Take this from a nerdy, scientific perspective: We are made of stardust. Our chemical compositions are not significantly different than anything else on Earth — just like that flower. We’re constantly changing and reacting, and nothing is meant to last forever. Nothing. Just like a flower that dies and is born again next spring, we undergo the pain of a breakup and eventually move on to someone new. What makes us different is that we happen to have consciousness.

Let me just state for the record that I can be pretty cynical about relationships in general. The primary rule of relationships is to never take your significant other for granted. Ever. They have their own life too, you know? Wouldn’t it be pretty selfish to have them asyour one and only? You can make an effort if things look bleak, but try to deviate from that delusional love phase and see your relationships from a realistic perspective. Lovey-doveyHollywood romance movies are the big culprit, giving people ridiculously high expectations.

This point of view is not meant to disregard the benefits of being in a relationship. It’s meant to simply protect you from what may inevitably become the end. What else do you take for granted? Eyesight, hearing, your functional thumbs or legs? Appreciate it while you have them. I’m not highly against relationships, but I just know that I would not be emotionally present at this time. Despite my cynical views, I am a firm believer enjoying the moment you’re in because you never know what may happen. The beautiful moments in life are not forever, so appreciate and love them while they last.

TheElizabethian

Having experienced breakup after breakup in recent years, I’ve realized that it’s finally time to slow down and take a break. I’m in the midst of experiencing a “quarter-life crisis” and the last thing I need to worry about is another person’s life while trying to focus on my own goals. Relationships are time-consuming. It requires a great amount of determination and commitment – more than my 20-something self can handle. All a relationship would do is slow me down, as I start to feel obligated to make compromises. It’s just not the right time for me.

I know many young couples who are in committed relationships. I hear them talk about planning a wedding, having kids, and a healthy future. Sure, what they have at that moment is beautiful — a flower is beautiful too. But a flower can only live for so long before its blooming season ends and it wilts away.

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My Life is Gone

Archival Poetry: The below poem was written as I was driving on a dark cloudy morning 5 years ago. Wanted to share it.

depressing

I walk across this foggy haze
To see my life pass through its phase
I’m trapped in this confusing place
Or am I lost without a trace?
I want some help and so I scream
From the dark without a dream
Time is ticking hard and cold
By the ticks, I can’t unfold

I try to make my life as sane
But all I know it’s just a game
No one hears my sad goodbyes
And it’s okay since I know why
My blood and sweat creep through the dawn
It cannot sleep, why can’t it yawn
The thickened clouds block my sun’s rays
Make me blind, they have to pay
I need my pills, I need it now
The darkness creeps without a bow
While frail I ask them, “Can you hear?”
With no response, I’ll do my dare

The wind so strong, I can’t hold on
Before I know, my life is gone

 

Photo Source: umn.edu

Shit Aspring Writers Don’t Want to Hear

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Not many people in my life are very fond of the idea that I want to become a writer or journalist. They are skeptical and passively aggressively note that I will fail. Like someone saying, “I want to move to Hollywood to become a movie star,” you never know, as fervently as that may sound. Maybe it’s good to have these naysayers in my life just to motivate me to prove them wrong. Since I’ve never been so passionate about anything else in my life, I find myself easily offended. One moment I am ambitious, and instantaneously, then they attack me with their know-it-all analysis.

Their statements (the “shit”) include, but not limited to:

  • You need a journalism degree
  • You need a law degree
  • You need a vast a mount of internships
  • You’re blog is not enough to provide you credit
  • It’s a risky business
  • You won’t make a lot of money
  • There are a lot of people who have more experience than you
  • You will suffer in New York City
  • Do you really think you’re that good?
  • You’re joking, right?

Although some of these are valid statements, it’s enough to tempt me to reconsider my passion. That scares me, tremendously. This world is just deprived of positive individuals, or maybe I just haven’t discovered them yet. I have a bad mixture of doubtful and encouraging people because the latter hardly exist. Hopefully, what I can achieve through this online community is a level of support and encouragement. I can’t allow another soul to tell me I’m doing it wrong. What I need to do now is persevere. Writing is my passion, and how can someone else say otherwise? I am more than aware of the obstacles and cutthroat industry writing is, and I also can’t blind myself from the reality of it all. Trust me, I know how brutal it can be.

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Shortly after graduating with a bachelor of science in psychology, I considered applying to graduate school to earn my master’s in neuroscience. One of the main criterions for applying is to have research experience. Okay. I applied to work in research labs, but only rejections came as a result — more specifically, lack of rejections, which left me hanging. A humorous 1 rejection out of 50+ applications contaminated my inbox that “regret to inform” me that other candidates were selected, let alone other miscellaneous jobs that people, who don’t have my level of credentials, achieved. Sorry, that may be unnecessary to mention, but I find it incredibly unfair for someone in tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt to lose a career battle over someone who did not go to school.

This was the beginning of my quarter-life crisis.

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I was frustrated that I, apparently, could not survive in the real world outside of working my menial job. The money in my bank account stayed relatively the same for the last 9 years and I pretty much lost all hope. I then decided to do something crazy – the stuff people don’t normally consider as a profession: Writing. I know risk is greatly involved, but the thing that coincides with this risk is passion. Because I’m not perfect, I know I need to improve some aspects of my writing as well. Writing is what I do on a regular basis, regardless of how I’m feeling. In addition to having it as my free therapy, I really enjoy sharing what’s going on in the world and my ideas out in the open.

Whether these naysayers are right or wrong, at least I am doing what I love. No doubt about it.

Photo source: Someecards